Of two siblings finding each other in their dreams, and you had an interesting story woven out here on how they defest the man who was trying to kill them.

The only things that made it harder to read were the way you had your dialogue and the flow of the story. I would have loved to have seen more description, which would have helped bring your dialogue more to life and helped the flow of your story, which to me felt flat.

Overall though, I did like the idea you presented here.

What you have here is a little over 2700 words. Really, that's one fairly short chapter, it didn't need to be split up at all. Why did you split it up into 13? Some of these chapters aren't even a paragraph, just a single sentence. That in itself made this very choppy and hard to get into for me.

The last one in particular: "May ended up moving to San Fransisco to live with her real dad and Peter." Shades of "and they all lived happily ever after". There's no conflict here. No depth. It's all much too easy.