The things we do for love

The things we do for love

Chapter 1

Disclaimer : Wait a second (checks her papers, bills, mail…)… Nope, still not mine! They're still the propriety of Joss and ME, and they're still unhappy and depressed. Life is unfair.

Rating : I'd say, PG-13. Some cursing, the f word, but hey, with Spike, what would you expect?

Author : BlackbAngeL

Summary : Post NFA. This is a discussion between Spike and Angel. Spike kicks Angel's ass on the right path… It was supposed to be a prequel to my other fic 'Destiny', so for now, you can consider that it is. But maybe I'll write another chapter and take a completely different direction, who knows?

Special thanks : To Ivana, for her help and her really quick Beta-reading!!

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The things we do for love

For the hundredth time this day, he wondered what he was doing here. He was sitting in an armchair, the same he had been sitting in for the last four hours, in Spike's apartment. He was staring at the wall, a beer in his hand.

Three days earlier, they had finally taken down the Senior Partners. It was over.

The battle had been terrible. They had fought for hours on end, knowing they wouldn't survive, but trying to take as many demons as possible with them. Gunn had died after a few minutes. It was probably better that he did; at least, he hadn't suffered too much.

Angel hadn't thought he would make it through this. He'd been ready to die, he'd come to terms with the idea… He'd even welcomed it. Some peace, finally…

But he had survived, as well as Spike and Illyria. Something he hadn't thought was even possible.

But there was something else he hadn't see coming. Something he had stopped dreaming of a long time ago… A future he had signed away with his blood. Or so he thought.

He hadn't thought he would turn human.

Life was full of surprises, wasn't it?

And here he was. Brooding. Wondering what he was going to do with this life he didn't really want anymore.

They had just buried Wes and Gunn in the courtyard behind the Hyperion. His two last friends… They were dead because of him. They'd deserved to live, they'd deserved to be given the life he didn't know what to do with. He'd known, before it had started, that they weren't going to make it… But he'd thought at that moment that he would fall with them.

Now, he had to live with the knowledge that he was the one who had brought them their death. And he'd been rewarded for that. He didn't know how to cope with it.

He heard the sound of a door opening behind him, but didn't bother to turn around. It could only be Spike, Illyria had disappeared in the sewers shortly after the battle. They had supposed that she needed to grieve her own way.

"Is there any beer left?"

Angel didn't reply, still lost in his thoughts. He'd thought, when he'd felt his heart beat in his chest, that Spike would resent him for getting this gift. That he would be jealous, and curse every Power that Be that would hear him.

But he hadn't. Strangely enough, he had just made a single comment… He'd smiled, sighed, and said quietly "Guess it was you, finally…". Then, he had helped Angel standing up, and invited him to stay in his apartment for a few days.

He came back to reality when Spike sat on the couch, facing him, taking a sip of his beer.

"Don't take it the wrong way, 's not that I don't like you… Well, maybe it is… But you're not planning on staying forever, are you?" Spike asked. "Because you know, I'd like to get my apartment back for myself…"

"I just need a few days to get my bearings" Angel said "then I'll leave."

There was a short silence.

"What are you going to do?" It was the third time Spike asked this. Angel had never replied.

"I don't know…" he said after a moment. "I…Maybe I'm going to call…Nina, and tell her she can come back. Then I'll see where we can go and…"

Spike snorted loudly, cutting him off.

"Okay, let me rephrase, you big Pouf… What do you 'want' to do?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Angel asked with a frown.

"I don't know… I just thought that the first thing you would have done was to jump on a plane headed for Europe."

Angel sighed, obviously annoyed. "You know I can't do this."

"Why not? It's not that hard. You go to the airport, talk to nice hostess, and buy a first-class ticket to Rome." Spike said slowly, as if talking to a three year old.

"I told you I can't, Spike. And when exactly did you become so fond of the idea of me with Buffy? A few weeks ago, you were ready to go to her, sweep her off her feet and kill me if I tried to interfere…"

Spike let out a small laugh. "A few weeks ago, you weren't human. I'm not stupid, you know? I told you I never stood a chance with her. She never loved me… Or, actually, I think she did, to a certain extent. But not like I wanted her to." He paused, then added "And you know why?"