The Parody of the Opera

The Parody of the Opera

Project one: Screeching Toad

The Parody of the Opera

By Serena Kenobi

Hello! This is a humorous parody. I hope you enjoy it. There will be bashing of the characters... and expect some randomness. Just warning you!

Disclaimer: If owned Phantom... why would I be writing fanfics? Also do not own Monty Python.

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Chapter one: Project: Screeching Toad

It was a normal day in the Opera Populaire… Carlotta was screeching, Reyer was whining, Piangi was cowering, Madame Giry was rolling her eyes, and Christine was covering her ears.

"This really isn't fair," she complained to Meg. "Why can't my guardian angel just get rid of that old cow?"

Meg gave her a strange look. "Guardian angel?"

"Well DUH!" Christine retorted, slapping her forehead, "My angel of music! If he's an angel of music then he'll realize that it's a SIN to keep this ratfink the prima donna!"

Meg shrugged and went to go stretch.

Raoul De Chagny was a happy man. He had a huge house, coddling parents, money to boot, and good looks! "If I do say so myself," he said slyly, walking into the Opera house.

"Ah, we're so glad you could join us, Le Vicompte!" Firmin said, clapping his hands.

"You will be joining us for the gala tonight, won't you?" Andre gushed.

Raoul nodded. "Indeed! I want everyone to see my superbly good looks!" He tossed his head, golden locks waving in the air.

They found Monsieur LeFevre, who showed them around the Opera. The cast and smyphony were rehearsing Hannibal when they entered onto the stage.

"What's the meaning of this!" Reyer stormed, "We are rehearsing!" he stomped his foot and pouted.

"Monsieur Reyer, Madame Giry," LeFevre said in an apologetic tone, "I know there have been rumors of my retirement, and I can now tell you these were all true, and I would like to show you the two gentlemen who now own the Opera Populaire. Monsieurs Firmin and Andre. "

There was a polite clapping. Most weren't really interested.

"Eh, managers come and go," Christine muttered.

"I'd like to see how long these two stay before the Phantom drives them to madness!" Meg chuckled, rubbing her hands together.

Christine raised an eyebrow. "Dude, you are obsessed with the Phantom, aren't you?"

"It comes and goes," her friend replied nonchalantly.

Meanwhile, Firmin was speaking. "And we'd like to introduce you to the Patron of the Populaire, the Vicompte de Chagny!"

There was more clapping for Raoul as he came, strutting onto the stage. "My parents and I are honored to support all the arts, especially the world renown Opera Populaire," he said in a dignified tone.

"This is Carlotta and Piangi," LeFevre introduced them in a bored voice. "They've been our leading lady and… man… for several seasons now."

Raoul nodded. "Very well," he answered, "But I think I'm keeping you from your rehearsal, so I'll just be leaving now."

"Please do," Mme. Giry muttered.

Raoul cast her an annoyed look before brushing right past Christine. She barely gave him a sideways glance.

"Christine, he's so handsome," Meg cooed.

Christine, however, shrugged. "Eh, he could be better," she retorted, "But he's to pansy-ish. He was a boy when he fetched my scarf, and he still looks like one now."

"You know him?" Meg gasped, eager to hear the details.

Christine nodded. "Yep. A long time ago, before Dad croaked. He was a complete self absorbed conceited boy, and it doesn't look like he's changed. No big deal." She abruptly walked away.

"Is he available then?" Meg called after her hopefully.

The managers had made Carlotta mad by staring at the dancing girls, so she was screaming at the top her lungs. "And I 'ate a my 'at!" she yelled, pointing to her headdress.

"You ate your hat?" Firmin asked, confused. She glared at him before bursting into crocodile tears.

"Please senora, sing for us!" Andre begged, getting on one knee. "Prima Donna, first lady of the stage, your devotees are their knees to-" Firmin abruptly socked him in the gut.

"You blasted fool, that song doesn't come until Act Five!" he hissed, yanking Andre off the floor.

"Three sir!" a stagehand called out.

"Three!" Firmin corrected himself, annoyed. "Wait, is it three?" he shrugged, neither knowing or caring.

"Please senora, sing for us, as a personal favor," Andre pleaded desperately.

Carlotta instantly brightened up. "If a my mangers command," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"If my diva commands," Reyer replied stiffly.

"Yes, I do," Carlotta snapped, and stormed off to the center stage. "Everybody be quiet!" she hollered.

Reyer sighed and said, "From the beginning of the aria then, please." He lifted his wand.

Carlotta began to sing. "Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said GOOOOD.. byeee!" The mangers, along with everyone else, cringed. "Remember me… once in a while, please promise me YOUUUUUU'LLL.. tryyy…"