"Sibling Rivalry" Spec Script - Enterprise series

I like the format here, llap-terrell. You've put a lot of effort into the presentation; you're right about having cleaned it up.

It's so "Trek" to have a character meet their long lost child, but here you allude to having Archer meet his long lost sibling. I like it. And the nice twist is that while it is a little sister of sorts (and another sibling connection is made with another crew member), it's not what you'd think. I don't want to spoil it for other readers, because it's a really nice twist, so I'll just leave my comments ambiguous here.

LOL I"m thinking this "sibling" has a huge chip on their shoulder from the awkward trail their leaving behind them from the very beginning conversation, and then I read that exact phrase on page 14: YOU have a PRETTY BIG "CHIP on your shoulder!" That's never a good thing for the position they hold. It makes me think something's very wrong with this whole "war games" situation. In this, you build a nice suspense and sense of expectation for the reader.

You use quite a few modern-day euphemisms: don't count your chickens before they hatch, tortoise and the hare, and Dr. Spock. It's not a good or bad thing; it just seems to be a part of your upbeat, ribbing style. Star Trek writers have used them throughout their series, though they tend not to use so many in one piece.

Out of humility the "sibling" rises ... how nice. I like the story you tell here, llap-terrell. The foundation is solid and nicely laid out. Some details are a bit over the top for the characters we've come to know. But that you've explained to me before a being a part of the character exploration you push the envelope in, in your stories.

I like the story; I like the title; I like all the relationship connections you made. Well done and nice clean presentation.

Hi

I just finished reading the whole story. While I can understand Hoshi's brother's extreme jealous nature toward Archer I thought it bordered on Conduct unbecoming. It is my understanding of Archer's character that his laid back attitude in some ways has earned the respect of his crew.

Now for some constructive criticism my friend-Reed isn't gay. I know you wrote it so you are open to interpret it any way you want. However, someone really did ask the actor who played him that and it is a big no on that one.