Scars
Views: 30
Favorited: 0
Favorited: 0
Published: May 01, 2008
Revised: May 01, 2008
Words: 16,615
Genre: Action & Adventure
Type: Story
Revised: May 01, 2008
Words: 16,615
Genre: Action & Adventure
Type: Story
Scars
Some scars just don't go away.
When Jen comes to the BUA for a college program she has to go back to her old hometown and memories that she thought she left behind. when she get a little too close to the action will she live to tell the tale or just be another statistic in the book?
CRIMINAL MINDS
“SCARS”
Written By: bookieleader182
Hi! this wasn't meant to be this long, i was supposed to post it in chapters, but i'm really lazy. i already had it written and posted on another fanfic site and i already put them in enough suspense, so even though i do like it, i can't put you in that anguish because i'm new and want friends.
A/N: i don't own Criminal Minds of Reid, no matter how much i want him. *Cries in dark corner*
A/N: Oh, please excuse any and all spelling mistakes!
Quantico:
A young girl, about twenty-one, walks in the front doors of the BAU. She is wearing baggy, camo- cargo pants, a tight black t-shirt and black boots. She is listening to an I-pod nano blaring ‘Too Bad‘ by Nickelback. She stops at the security desk, turns off her I-pod and steps up.
“Hey, my name is Jen Castillo. I‘m looking for,” she looks down at a scrap of paper she has in her hand that has been doodled on in black, blue and purple ink, “Uh… Agent Spencer Reid.”
“O-Kay. I‘ll need a form of I.D. so if I could have your drivers license.” the security woman said reaching out her hand. The girl reached into her bottom right pocket and pulled out a small black wallet with I M BORED written on it in white out. She looked through it and said, “Is my college I.D. all right? It‘s all I have.”
“Sure.” the security guard scanned the card and gave the freshly printed badge and the I.D. back to her. “Lets see… Agent Reid is on the… third floor.” she said looking down at a packet of papers with names of agents written on it, “Elevators are right over there.” she continued pointing to the right.
“Thanks.” Jen said as she walked towards the two silver elevator doors putting her wallet back into her pocket. She stood there waiting for the elevator to come back down to the ground floor nodding her head to the beat of the music. The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, opened Elantris by Brandon Sanderson and started to read. The doors closed and started to go up, they stopped a couple of seconds later and opened again. She stepped out again and asked a blond woman where agent Reid’s desk was and she glanced up for a second and then pointed to the back of the room and went back to typing. Jen walked to the back and saw a desk with a nameplate on it that said Spencer Reid. She sat down in the comfy chair, put her feet on the desk and started to read again. About five minutes later the elevator opened again and Reid came out talking with Morgan.
“I‘m just saying, you don‘t always have to...” Morgan stopped talking and pointed to Reid’s desk, “Who‘s the girl?”
“I-I don’t know.” Reid said as he walked up to his desk and asked, “Excuse me, who are you?”
Jen looked up from her book, slowly coming out of a daze, “Um, I‘m Jen. You Spencer Reid?”
“Yes.”
“Dude, you were supposed to call to say everything was still on.”
“I‘m sorry?”
“You‘re supposed to be mentoring me this week.”
“That starts today! I‘m so sorry!”
“It‘s fine, don‘t go all Tohru on me.”
“Tohru?”
“Tohru Honda, live with Shigure, Yuki and Kyo Sohma. Best friends: Arisa Uotani and Saki Hanajima. She stars in the manga Fruits Basket, more commonly known among its fans as Furuba, written by Natsuki Takaya. She commonly freaks out about the smallest things in life and cares more about her friends than she does herself.”
“O-Kay. So I‘m Spencer Reid and… this is actually my first mentor job so what do I do?”
“Got me.” I replied to his question. Suddenly Hotch walked past.
“Come on. We have a new case.” he said. Reid and Jen got up and walked into the conference room. JJ started the briefing, ”O-Kay, four victims have shown up in a small town in Cortland, New York.” she said as she hung up four different pictures of the victims on the whiteboard. They were all women and, previously, very beautiful. “All the bodies were mangled and had many scars. It looked as if they… I‘m sorry, who are you?” she stopped finally noticing me, everyone turned and looked at me.
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Top reviews & comments (3)
Can't get into this
First of all, you switched from third person narrative to first on the second page or so, which is More »
First of all, you switched from third person narrative to first on the second page or so, which is distracting in and of itself. Second: Jen is very much a Mary Sue.
She knows everything about the team? From Google? Maybe a few things, like Rossi's books and such, but not EVERYTHING about them. How would she know about Hotch's divorce? How would she know about Rossi's obsession with the old case? She wouldn't because there is no way that would come up in google.
Furthermore, I doubt she'd be allowed in the briefing at all, let alone go on the case with them. If you want to write about an incoming FBI agent, I suggest some research about the FBI and how becoming an agent works and such. As is, it's just not believable. I can see Reid being a "mentor" but, when I saw the word my first thought was a 'big brother-big sister' type of thing, not a 21 year old training to be an FBI agent.
She's just too perfect. As technically good (well written/presented) as your story is, it is far from believable.
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