Phoebe

Phoebe

The Sun was shining ,like a mockery of all that had happned . It shown hard brightly,too bright on my mother’s coffin. She looked like she was sleeping,her deep brown hair falling loosely around mer shoulders,her face beautiful,yet pale missing all the life she had in it.

I guess that’s what death does to a people,it mocks them. Shows their true beauty only when they leave our earth. The doctors said it was an accident,took one too many pills. Yeah Right. If she was soo drugged up how come she still had enough stamina left to slit her wrists in the bath tup.

The doctor’s were wrong,it wasn’t an accident.My mother killed herself. They say that her way to find true happiness was to leave her earthy body.But that wasn’t true either. She found true happiness by leaving me. Her little girl . I look around the cemetery as mourners pass by,shaking hands,expressing sorrow. All that bullshit. But I say nothing. I feel nothing.

When I was seven years old my mother tried to commit suicde the first time. I remember the day after got home from the hospital. I remember people staring at us ,staring at my little hand clasped around her bandaged wrists. On my eigth birthday,she was diagnosed with severe depression. She never talked about it. In fact,she just sorta stopped talking. Even when I told her I was gay,she just looked at me,brushed a piece of hair out my face and walked away.

The servie goes on,with people I barely know expressing moments about my mother and me. People occasionally throw glances at me,afraid to look to long. You see,I was the lucky one to find my mother in the bathtub,blood everywhere. Everything went blurry,I remember a long scream, my scream.

Since that day,a week ago,that was the only sound that has come out my mouth. I won’t talk. I guess you could call me mute. A fifteen year old mute. I glance at my watch . I am supossed to fly in the morning to go live my mom’s close friend who couldn’t make it to her funeral but offered to be my guardian since my dear old daddy is lying beside her. I don’t even know her. All I know is that her name is

Shane Mcutchoen and she lives in Los Angeles.