This is the best scene I've read this round. The tension and build-up is well-executed. The cliffhanger twist involving the D's destruction caught me completely off guard. And there's Gary Seven! Phew!

You also had several nice little touches throughout like Riker's reaction to the revelation that Kirk knows what's going to happen. "Picard lets out a deep breath as Riker gives him an 'I told you so' look.". Picard really had that one coming!

Great job!

I think you write quite smoothly. Your transitions are very nice. I loved your twists and particularly the immenent self-destruct. I only have one problem and its major.

Why is Kirk drunk?

He seems to have had a little too much Romulan ale. He keeps over reacting and seems to be just picking a fight.

"KIRK

Is this how it starts, Picard?"

And....

"KIRK (on screen)

I'm done talking, Picard. Now that my first officer is safely away from the planet, I'm going to destroy that thing before it destroys us."

Perhaps if he had done more investigating or if you mentioned that Scotty had found specific records about what was going to happen. But as it is, Kirk doesn't even know for sure how his Enterprise will be destroyed or why. Kirk was a man of action, but he never jumped into a particular course of action without a very could reason and plan. Even when the Klingons killed his son, he formulated a plan and carried it out quickly and methodically.

I wish you could have given us more of the Kirk we know and love. Still, a great story. Kudos on finding a way to bring Gary Seven and "old McCoy" into it!

I think this goes quite a long way towards being a prime example of how to write a tension packed scene. The voice of each character is quite distinct, especially important since you throw so many at us. In most cases, I would view that as a negative, but here you expertly juggle the scene to make it flow naturally -- as if this is the proper course of events in thecrisis.

These are some of the real strengths of your work, from my point of view. I'd definitely carry through with them if you write another scene:

- Excellent use of characters; we've unfortunately seen characters thrown in for no purpose. Each that you use has a distinct use and drives forward the plot.

- No fluff: It's all here for a reason ... another way to say it is that it's very tight. I expect you put a lot of work into editing, and it shows.

- An exciting plot -- we're left with two significant action events that are upcoming. It's like two cliffhangers for the price of one!

However, some questions did arise for me that you might want to consider.

- Since Kirk, Spock, and McCoy were trapped in the past -- where is Kirk? I would think Spock would enquire about that.

- Kirk's supposition that the Guardian is what destroyed the Enterprise is a bit surprising, and seems to come a bit too quickly. While he's not afraid to destroy something that might pose a threat, at this point, the Guardian may still represent the best chance to change the past -- destroying it may actually lock in the present. At least, that seems to be the logical train of thought that I'd follow from the information presented. It completely works in the story, but it's the one thing that seems to ring a bit false. While Kirk responds totally in character, I don't think he's received enough information to react that way. Another line driving him to his actions might be warranted. Perhaps something else in the log Scotty read, or a sudden reading from the planet that prompts Kirk to action.

- I'm worried that the lack of info on Gary Seven makes him a bit of a MacGuffin; in other words, he's simply a device to forward the story as he's actually having very little effect. This could easily be corrected in the last scene, but if his plan is successful, he won't be in the last scene because everything will be corrected. That would make Gary Seven the true protagonist who solves the problem with his agents, Spock and Data -- that's a bit worrisome in a Kirk vs. Picard contest.

The fact is though, I enjoyed this scene as much as any I've read, and I actually wish it could be produced. Really excellent work, deserving of 5 stars.