KvP Spam-a-sode

KvP Spam-a-sode

KvP Spam-a-sode

Brought to you by

dr.jean

A Star Trek triple drabble written in Screenplay format

INT. ENTERPRISE-D - DATA'S QUARTERS

DATA removes a platter from his food replicator, eyeing the block of pinkish-brown substance sitting on top of it. His pondering is cut short by the sound of his DOOR CHIME.

DATA

Come.

His doors WHOOSH open and GEORDI steps in.

GEORDI

Hey, I just dropped by to see...

GEORDI pauses for a moment, seeing DATA staring at the cube on his plate with human-like puzzlement.

GEORDI

(cont.)

…Am I interrupting something?

DATA

I am not certain. As you know, I have been trying out my new taste buds by sampling as many cuisines as possible. This is Earth meat supplement #666, a dish last requested by Whigworld.

GEORDI

Wig World? Never heard of that planet.

DATA

It is not the name of a planet, but rather of a KvP writer.

GEORDI

KvP writer… What's that?

DATA

Inconclusive data in the computer suggests that in the 21st century, a contest was held where 7500 characters competed for the best way to pit two starship captains against one another, most resulting in the destruction of at least one ship.

GEORDI

Sounds primitive.

GEORDI and DATA, considering the disturbing connection, look blankly back at the meat sample.

GEORDI

(cont.)

Kind of like that meat. What exactly is it?

DATA

According to the database, it is a gelatinous conglomerate of roughly…

DATA cocks his head, processing, and then produces a mechanical frown with the announcement of his results.

(cont.)

…7500 types of meat particles, enhanced by numerous polymer agents.

(looks at Geordi)

Would you like to try some?

GEORDI raises a palm.

GEORDI

No thank you, Data, maybe I better not. It sounds a lot like that KvP contest. I'm not sure I'd be safe.

The SCREEN BLACKS OUT all but a CONSTRICTING CIRCLE, framing the cube on Data's plate. It holds for a time, permitting viewers to consider the subject as the words "LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, KvP WRITERS, WHEREVER YOU ARE" appears below the picture. Then, all FADES TO BLACK.