Here, you trace the thoughts of the Jedi Knight, Kearath, making the “journal-like” medium a good choice. You ground your thought process in a fantasy universe, where thought patterns are based on the surreal, rather than current-day events or objects. What grounds this story is the theme beneath it:

QUOTE: Sensing that I will soon join Odani and the others who were witnesses, however, I commend this story to you, my children, so that you do not forget the reasons that we fight, and the reasons we do not. Indeed, there are some knighted now who were not born during the time of Athovair, and who do not know what it is to be a slave to war.

And yes, the story comes to a full circle on page 10 with:

QUOTE: We who remain are now the Jedi Order. Reduced in name, reduced in number, but never reduced in spirit. May the blessing of the Force be always upon us. May we always stand in its light.

Objective accomplished!

Random thought: You could say that this is a persuasive essay/piece from Kearath’s POV … The body of the story being the detailed supporting argument.

I got through page 7 and I thought I'd leave my critique in case I don't get a chance to finish...

The treat that comes with writing journal style stories is also the difficulty: having unlimited knowledge of your characters feelings, emotions, and experiences. When writing in a journal style, it's really easy to slip into just telling what's happening as opposed to showing, so a balance between feelings and experiences needs to be struck.

You've done that very well. Seeing what's happening through the main characters eyes is captivating, and the descriptions of what he is feeling and thinking bring him to life.

Some of my favourite passages are:

"I lifted my gaze to meet the healer's, sensing that he was not a wicked man, but only one who lacked the conviction to be good."

and

"Sometimes I thought I saw his outline--a blacker shadow in the darkness, a mirror-image of my imagined, death's head self."

"Journaling" is one of the most legitimate fiction formats. Many of the earliest novels were supposed personal accounts or testimonies/memoirs - Defoe's Robinson Crusoe and Dumas' Count of Monte Cristo are examples. In fact, this story reminds me a lot of the imprisonment section of Monte Cristo. An inspiration perhaps?

This was a lot of fun to read. I have no love for Star Wars - didn't like the films - but I enjoyed this piece. Ophelia created a convincing world and pulled me into the world of Kearath. The piece was very well written in a consistent voice. If only the Lucas movies had been so well crafted, I might be a fan.

Claremonty

I am a major Star Wars geek, and I have to say this was a pleasure to read. It's an ambitious thing to take on such a historical Star Wars uni piece. This would be a nice addition to the books. It sounds alot like something Luke would have found in his early years of searching for Jedi history. The journal format fits in perfectly with that concept.

So in a way, this is a missing scene kind of fic. The books don't usually tell us exactly what the Jedi histories that Luke finds look like. I like it muy mucho :)

I have to say here that it is awesome to finally see some Star Wars fic in the Critique Forum.