*Laughs* This is hilarious! I love the idea, especially since we've never actually really seen either the Atlantis team or SG-1 do any paperwork (which I'm sure there have to be mountains of, haha). You carried the whole thing off brilliantly though, and with plenty of laughs to be sure. I especially loved the dialogue, it was quick, funny, and completely in character. Wonderful idea, and fantastic job! *Goes to grab drink of water before she dies laughing*

This is such a great little romp! I have been watching SGA for the past few weeks catching up to all of the episodes I missed, and I really loved this one :D The characterization is spot-on, and I could actually picture each one of them saying these lines, especially Teyla and McKay.

Kudos on a great story!

Some of your writing seems more like prose than screenplays. For example, at the very beginning you use the metaphor “Guinan is the calm center of the hurricane” and a little bit later you say “Picard is torn between throttling someone, fighting with the computer to regain command and saving his people.” …for screenplays you really can’t use stuff that like too often because it doesn’t translate well to a visual image. If a director were to read the Picard line…. How would they film it? In a movie or show, you can’t get inside a characters head like prose. So how could they film it so we know he is torn between those options? In screenplays more than prose you really have to “show not tell.” You have to show us what Picard is thinking or feeling not tell us. So maybe you could have had Picard look at the computer. Then at one of the attackers. His fist is clenched but he holds back and hesitates. Just SHOW us what is going on inside the character. ((I’m not marking you down for this because a TON of people have never used script format before, but I just thought I’d tried to explain))

Tech Question (because I stink at tech stuff): I’ve noticed that TONS of people have Picard or Data using a code to turn off the self destruct. In yours its alpha omega two two one. ---was a REAL code never used on the show? Is that why everyone is making up ones of their own?

Would Picard say “Picard to all hands. Abandon ship!” …it just feels odd for him to refer to himself in third person like that. Also, because he has such a distinct voice that if he were to speak over a speaker system, everyone would know who it was. Then this is another tech thing I don’t know… but can you abandon a space ship? I don’t think they have enough shuttle crafts or anything of the sort for an “abandon ship” command. I know I’ve never seen an escape pod or anything along those lines. –but of course this is just a tech thing which as I’ve stated, I kinda suck knowing.

Continuity thing… how come Picard, Kirk, Guinan and everyone and beam down to the planet and not need EV suits like Spock and Data needed before? Also, last week’s winner made it clear that the duplicate characters are not from an alternate reality, they are from a paradox. Then, why exactly do they need to be on the planet? I like that you changed settings… but I feel like you don’t exactly explain why the scene had to take place on the surface. Was it just so Guian could pet the Guardian?

Once the group gets down on the planet the dialog is a little muddy. The pace realyyyyyyyy slows so that all the characters can give exposition to other characters. Also, the Picard voice overs and captain’s log feels out of place. Not that it was bad, just that with the character counts we have, the mini-sequence could have been cut so that other more important things had screen time.

Though I need to say, even though I’m not a fan of how you got the information across, I do like that you had the captains do a “silent” countdown so as not to alarm the crew. I did a VERY similar thing in one of my stories and I struggled reallyyyyyyyyyy hard trying to figure out how to handle it and it NEVER crossed my mind to do a silent countdown. So it was really awesome read that!

I enjoyed the overall story, but the only thing I really felt was lacking was a reallyyyy good strong KvP moment. There didn’t seem to be much conflict between Kirk and Picard. This could be because of the character space and you had to cut it. I know I have the EXACT same problem in one of my stories. I totally cut out Kirk & Picard drama so I could fit other stuff.

Nice job!

I really enjoyed this submission! It wasn't perfect, but it was definitely one of the better stories this round. Good work!