Can't wait till this is updated but i'm wonderign is she the doctors and roses daughter hope s becuse i love rose and the tenth doctor togehter there the best couple ever let me know when you've updated it on Hotgirlow@yahoo.co.uk

I think you did a really good job with the emotional aftermath of being a victim of a shooting. The signs of her PTSD are good, subtle and not over the top.

Like MDD, I was a little lost between when she went to sleep, then something about the locker, she passed out, then woke up in her bed. I wasn't sure if that was a dream or if it really happened. I couldn't understand why she would find herself in her own bed without remembering waking up on the floor in front of her locker, or even in the ER. They don't just cart unconcious people home and put them to bed.

But other than that, I thought this was very good. Madison is a sympathetic character and not Mary Sue-ish at all.

Interesting introspection on what it means to be a true parent as opposed to a biological one.

Thanks, Beth

As I read your story, I was easily able to see my 13 year old daughter in this role. The MP3 player, the laptop, barely eating dinner only to get food a short time later, hiding out in her room, keeping eyes lowered hoping not to be seen or to just be left alone . . . I connected, definitely to that part of her character . . .she was very accurately described.

The feeling of being scattered, or thin (to quote Bilbo Baggins from the Lord of the Rings “Like too little butter scraped across too much bread”) rang true to me, and feels accurate for post-traumatic stress disorder.

I feel Madison is adrift in nebulous feelings about the day of the shooting, so much that was unknown or hazy as she lay wondering if she were dead or dying, not knowing. The details of reliving the pain of that day were very well done, hearing the voices, the stinging of the bullet, the isolation and fear.

I have to agree with JoPierce that she would have definitely been in counseling of some kind, and both school faculty and her parents would be acutely aware of what might be fueling her distance and guarded manner.

In some places I wasn’t sure if you meant bag or pack (like a backpack), but assumed it:

"Nodding to her friend Maria, she turned back, fighting her way through the crowd.

She swung into a chair with a sigh, flinging her back on to the table."

While the writing and overall feel of the story was good, I found the connection to CSI Miami to be somewhat thin. Gabrielle would most likely not have been on the scene until WELL after the situation was locked down and all victims removed so the crime scene could be meticulously poured over for evidence in a controlled environment.

This was an emotionally rich piece, which I feel just needs a few adjustments and/or revisions to make it excellent. Nice work.

This is really good you should keep it going to they are adults like kathy950. It's really funny to. Great Job!