I'm sorry, but this story looked like you wrote it in 2 minutes with the knowledge of story writing of a first grader. you were blunt and just randomly threw in details, like ron being eaten by a spider...

There were run on sentences, miss spelled words...all in all, it's needs a lot of work.

This is...very poor, I'm afraid.

The good news is that you could make it about 500 times better with ten minutes work. Just go through it and paragraph the dialog properly. New paragraph for each new speaker. Remember those elementary school literacy exercises? This is why you did them - so that you could present your work properly on occasions like this.

The bad news is that doing so won't make it worth reading. One of Harry's best friends got eaten by a poisonous spider - one throwaway line. There's an entirely new sort of magic in Romania - one throwaway line. Harry meets a girl called Kaleigh (did you mean Kayleigh?) and they chat - 90% of the story. Don't you see anything wrong with this balance?

The tenses jump around randomly, it's full of spelling and punctuation errors, and you spelt "Potter" wrong in the title. I'll be blunt...it looks like you wrote it in ten minutes, didn't so much as reread it even once, and for some reason you think the fact that you posted it makes it worth reading. It's not worth reading. Not as it is.

i couldn't even read the first sentence without getting bored of it. There's absolutely no plot (as neena and foxfire said). If i were you, i would think of a plot, then write the story. Also, take some advice from people who have high ratings and many views for their stories because no one will read this cause it was really boring!!!!

i agree with neena on this you have no plot at all. you have to have a plot to make a story. back to the drawing board for this story.

but you can do it,

Foxfire