A superb piece of work. I am surprised that the Star Trek team did not fly you to LA to immediately begin shooting this work. What a bunch of dolts they are not to recognize your genius!

The way you wrote it was great. Didn't find any huge grammar or spelling probelms. Also gave us alot of suspense. Had a few probelms though. Maybe you did this for suspense purproses but, what weapon did they use exactly? From what I read it just seem like it was regular disruptors but, from your descritpion you made it seem like it had this all powerful weapon.

Also if the ship was a ship of mercy I can't see a federation ship not being able to scan it. Usually if a ship is weaker the stronger ship can scan the ship.

This was an interesting start, but as a long time ST fan myself I found it a little unbelievable for a couple of reasons 1) I don't believe that a federations captain, much less 4 captains would attack and destroy a less powerful convoy of ships without some real proof that they were the ones who attacked the other ship, even if they wouldn't answer their hails, especially if it would lead to war with the Romulans. 2) a single Romulan Bird of Prey would not have been able to attack and destroy 4 Galaxy class starships, it would have been outclassed and outgunned. Othe than that is was an interesting start and I would like to see where it leads

Last night I happened to watch a TNG ep (can't recall the name) where a Cardassian had a similar outlook as your Romulan. He had lost two of his sons and did not want to lose the third and last. He was tired of the war. It's on this sympathetic note that you grab your reader's interest, making them want to go for the long haul. Good start. Keep it coming.

I was used to seeing those two to three pages (the dreaded 7500 characters) on the KvP site. This was a bit short, but it almost fills the first segement of screen time before the credits. I'm not sure if that's what you're after.

Happily reading more Trek,

dr.jean

I liked it. I am not too familiar with Romulans, so this was a great beginning! It makes me want to know more about this story. I feel the loss of the children..powerful for so short a scene!

- TDC -